


leave the nectarines out (and other things I forgot to tell you)

by palateens



Series: IncuBitty [4]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Succubi & Incubi, Belly Kink, Belly Rubs, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Feeding Kink, Jealousy, Lactation, M/M, Making Up, Microaggressions, Multi, Slow Burn, Succubi & Incubi, Weight Gain, genitals are fluid and optional as usual, mentions of human trafficking, mentions of snuff, this is a sweet story believe it or not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-04-01 10:06:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13995984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palateens/pseuds/palateens
Summary: Eric takes long sips of his coffee, biting back petty remarks. It’s not Christopher’s fault that he’s jealous...or maybe it is.Stupid Christopher with his brilliant smile and good will toward humanity. How dare he have a conscious better than most humans combined.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> in case you're wondering about the human trafficking and snuff see end notes for spoilers

Eric Richard Bittle, formerly known as Ermes of Verona, a notorious incubus of the house of Aradia, didn’t tangle with mortals often. It’s his destiny to one day find human mates of his own, and create his own prolific harem. However, he’s spent the last three hundred years in the supposed “new world” working at his mother’s right hand. As she was building a new harem (and empire) based on love and empathy, he’s been learning everything he can from her. 

The centuries, and the colonizers, have been cruel to the landscape so he’s never seen a reason to head into the world looking for decent humans. In his eyes there are none. 

“You need to stop being so picky,” Aradia, now referred to as Suzanne Bittle, tells him one after in 1959. “Otherwise one day you’ll wake up and poof, the whole damn species will be gone. Who’re you going to mate with then, Dicky?” 

Eric bristles. “I wish you wouldn’t call me that, mother.” 

“Nonsense, it’s an adorable nickname,” she says. 

“It’s stupid and so...human,” he says, wrinkling his nose. 

“Humans are funny like that. They spend so much time forming constructs of what is an acceptable name and how will it adversely affect their offspring, but from the moment they’re born it’s whatever comes out of their mouths works.” 

“You’ve been talking to your friend in the Zhous again, haven’t you?” 

“Oh don’t be like that. The Zhous are a wonderful clan.”

“So wonderful that they aren’t allowed on this side of the Mississippi without express permission?”

“Good fences make good neighbors, Dicky,” she says before scowling. “There, you got me going again when I was trying to talk to you about settling down!” 

“And I will say it again, I will not deal with incessant stupidity and bigotry from mortals,” he says.

She frowns. “Not every human is a bigot, dear.”

Eric sighs. “Then why are they so bent out of shape now that more of them know there’s more than one sexuality in life? Or gender for that matter?”

“Give it time, they’ll all learn soon.”

“When they do, that’s when I’ll start my harem.”

“And you won’t even look now?” 

“What’s the point?” he asks. 

“Who knows, I’ve heard those updated colleges of theirs are very...‘progressive’,” Suzanne replies. 

“You and I both know that’s a lie,” Eric says. 

“It couldn’t hurt to take a peek?” 

Eric knows he’s being difficult. He knows the majority of his siblings, younger and older, have already phased out of adolescence. They all have families and mates of their own. But he’s the clan heir. Whoever he brings into his harem will set the tone for the family’s cultural impact for the next five hundred years at least. He can’t and won’t be liberal with his selections. He owes his family, and his race better than that. 

“Perhaps,” he says finally. “But if I leave for a year, don’t you expect me to come back bonded?” 

Suzanne smirks triumphantly before crushing him in a hug. “Oh course not, baby.” 

_/.\\_ 

Despite this conversation turning the gears in Eric’s head, he wouldn’t set off just yet. In 1968 when the country is brimming with war protests, he decides that there is enough chaos and change in the world that maybe there’s someone worth mating out there. That’s a big if, but it’s enough for his mother and so it’s enough for him. 

He hitchhikes everywhere because it seems like the most amusing way to travel. He stays east of the Mississippi because he’s too lazy to request permission from the Zhous. Eric tours college campuses and poses as a prospective student for the most part. He joins rallies, sit-ins, and walks-outs, looking for enlightened people. He knows what he’s looking for but doesn’t realize humans have come up with a name for it until he hears some dolt shout obscenities and at a sweet couple minding their own business. 

There are few times that Eric’s let his rage inform his decisions. But suffice it to say he has no patience for intolerance. If a group of homophobic men wake up two days and later three states later with temporarily rearranged anatomy, that’s none of Eric’s concern. Maybe some empathy is all they need...maybe. 

At some point, he winds up in the New England area after spending a month around the queer scene in New York. He’s tired of people who think partying is the only way to have a good time, but he’s enjoying the sight seeing. He winds up at a small liberal arts college outside of Boston. The campus is nice, and certainly scenic for late April. 

There’s a concert of some sort going on, judging by the noise level, crowd, and sheer drunkenness of everyone around him. College kids enjoy being drunk, sure. But the one thing that traveling around has taught him is that older humans severely over exaggerate what they take issue with in younger generations. 

The air is a bit chilly but fresh and sweeping over the campus. Despite the crowd, Eric can still smell something...not quite right. The distinct scent of another, unrelated, incubus wafts through the air. He rolls his eyes. Part of him thinks that it’s worth dumping whoever it is into the East River and sending them on their way home. Although breaking incubi treaties aren’t forbidden, trespassers are supposed to be subject to deep scrutiny. 

Eric smells the air again, walking toward the other incubus. He can’t see them, but he knows they’re making no attempt to teleport away from him. Either they aren’t paying attention to their surroundings or they’re too young to feel defensive around non-clan incubi.

The answer is both. 

Eric finds a younger incubus crouched in a tree not far from center stage. From the insignia on their necklace, they’re undoubtedly a Zhou. Eric groans as he watches the other incubus scrutinize a group of humans closely. He wonders briefly if this one is so low level that they’re waiting around to make a contract with someone. 

He realizes that this incubus could be up in that tree all night. So he decides to cut to the chase. 

“Staring at them won’t drop their pants, you know,” he says as he sits in the branch next to the incubus. 

They snort. “Do you also know that gaping at me won’t make me go away?”

“So you did see me,” Eric says. 

“Duh,” they grumble. 

“You know you’re an awfully long way from home.”

“Yea and I’m so young to be on my own. I know, I’ve heard this before,” they snap. 

“Yea, and what was I going to say next?”

“Something about me taking care of myself and I should be careful before a Bittle finds me,” they say. 

Eric refrains from screaming or laugh, or both. “Oh, and what would a Bittle do to you?”

“Probably snap my neck or something.” 

Eric hums. “So what are you doing here?”

“See that bastard with the bad mustache? I’ve been trailing him since Utah,” they say. 

“What’d he do?”

“Serial killer,” is all they say. 

“Ah, so here to take him to hell or just to gift him to your mother?” 

“I—” they close their mouth, glaring slightly at Eric. “I’ve been weighing my options.” 

Eric smirks. “Your momma doesn’t know you’re here right now, does she?”

“Pretty sure she’s figured it out,” they admit. 

“So you’re just...hoping a Bittle won’t find you and if they do they’ll take mercy?”

“Pretty much,” they say. “Look, it’s stupid I know. I’m not up for another dumb lecture from a random demon...I’m here to make sure that bastard never hurts anyone again.” 

“Ok,” Eric says. Because he hasn’t met an incubus since his mother than cares so much about humans. “I’d like to offer a hand, if you’re willing.” 

The incubus looks him up and down before offering his hand to shake. “Jyu. Humans call me Christopher, though. Guess you can too.” 

“Ermes, but you can call me Eric,” he says with a soft smirk. 

Christopher turns his attention back to the crowd. 

“Do you have a plan, by chance?”

“Of course I do,” Christopher says. “Wait until the crowd gets a little more drunk, sweep him up and take him where the sun never shines.” 

“Alaska?” he guesses. 

Christopher laughs. “Have you ever been to Alaska?”

“Haven’t had the chance to, so no,” Eric says. 

“Ok well somewhere consistently darker.” 

“Alright, your mother’s basement it is.”

“Why are you still on that?”

Eric shrugs innocently. Christopher eyes him suspiciously. 

“So  _ can _ you create a distraction?” 

“Can? Of course,” Eric says. “I’m sure it’ll cost you.”

“How much?”

“A coffee will do,” he says. 

Christopher rolls his eyes. “Fine, just make sure no one sees me take him.”

“That I can’t promise.”

“You just—”

“That’s up to you,” Eric says. “You’ll do fine, I’m sure.” 

He looks at Eric with something like mystified hesitance. Eventually, he nods. Eric makes a scene by running on stage and attempting to crowd surf. Attempting is the operative word because he “accidentally” falls and screams in fake agony that he’s broken his arm. When he feels Christopher teleport away, he gets up quickly. 

“False alarm,” he shouts as he brushes his clothes off. 

He walks around for a while by himself, taking in the campus. Logically, he knows he should be scouting for decent humans. But they’re the last thing on his mind. He ends up at coffee shop close to the main quad. He orders a black coffee, drinks half of it straight, and then fills the rest with milk and sugar. He finds a quiet corner with two arm chairs and settles down. He grabs a photography book from the shelf next to his seat. Sometime later he feels a tap on his shoulder. Christopher sits down next to him with a coffee in hand, tucking his legs underneath him. 

“So how much did she yell?” 

He scowls. “She asked why did I smell like her friend Suzanne.” 

“Oh, I’m her son. Did I forget to tell you that?” 

“Yes,” Christopher says. 

Eric shrugs, sipping his coffee. “Why’d you come back if I’m so clearly going to snap your neck?” 

“You would’ve done it by now if you were going to,” he murmurs. 

“Why would I do that?”

“Some smug sense of superiority?”

Eric snorts. “Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe you’re just that cute?”

Christopher blushes. He drinks his own coffee. They sit in silence for a while. The sound of Fleetwood Mac playing over the intercom is hauntingly soothing as the screeching of the coffee machine. Something about his scent is calming to Eric. It’s different, but not hostile. It’s the salt of the pacific ocean, and a blend of spices he hasn’t tasted since before his family moved to this damned country. 

“So, I’m cute,” Christopher says finally. 

“Don’t flatter yourself too much,” Eric says. “You’re entirely too young and inexperienced.” 

Christopher shifts back in his seat. “I bet you’ve never had a wave swallow you whole.”

“And I bet you’ve never been to your great great grandmother’s house,” he retorts. 

“So?” 

“So, you can’t be more than what? 80 years old?”

“I’m 93,” Christopher snaps. 

“Pardon my language then, 13 years is a huge difference,” Eric says sarcastically. 

“I’m old enough to do my job.”

“As vigilante of north america?”

“More or less,” he says cryptically. 

Eric crosses his arms. He’s never met another incubus as stubborn and self-assured as him. 

“Alright, show me what you’ve got,” Eric says. 

Christopher frowns for a second, pursing his lips before he nods. He grabs Eric by the arm, and teleports them away. The landing is surprisingly smooth. It takes him a moment to recognize that they’re in a crowded bar in New York. He can tell by the stench of pollution radiating off the humans’ skin, and the sound of sirens not too far away. 

“Let’s go to the bathroom,” Christopher says directly into his ear. 

Logically, Eric knows this is to prove some point. But he also can’t deny that this incubus isn’t want for sexual appeal. He smooths his shirt out as they walk to the back of the bar, ignoring the heat in his cheeks. 

Christopher motions him to keep quiet as the walk into the men's’ bathroom. There’s the sound of someone whimpering in one of the stalls. Eric throws the stall door open as a sickly looking man tries to tie a woman up in cheap rope. Eric waves his hand in the direction of the man. Christopher cracks his knuckles. 

“Excuse me, miss,” he tells the woman as Christopher drags the man out. 

Eric takes the tape off her mouth, offering her a hand that she reluctantly accepts. 

“Here, sweetie,” Eric says as he touches her forehead. “Why don’t we get you home safe?” 

She doesn’t have to speak because his touch opens up her subconscious to him. He lets her fall into his arms as she passes out from a simple spell said under his breath. Eric takes her home and tucks her in, wiping her memory before he leaves. When he gets back, the man is writhing under the weight of Christopher’s shoe. He walks closer, inspecting the glazed look in the man’s eye. 

“How long are you going to leave him like this?” 

“Another five minutes, probably,” Christopher says. 

“What did he do?”

Christopher is kind enough to not treat him like an idiot. “His human trafficking ring took my cousin.” 

“I’m sure they—”

“Of course she can get out herself,” he interrupts. “She got home just fine.” 

“But they can’t get away with insulting your family like that?”

“Because they can’t get away with hurting people,” Christopher says darkly. “Never again.” 

Eric’s smirk falls. He looks up at Christopher and all of his righteous fury. He knows humans are worth being cherished and protected. He knows that much because his mother taught him better, but mostly because she always finds the best mates. He’s never heard an incubus, especially a young one, refer to humans as if they’re equals. As if they were all wonderful instead of there being a few exceptions to their mediocrity. 

“You’re going to take the whole damn ring down,” he says. 

“That’s the plan,” Christopher says. “One asshole at a time.”

Eric nods. “So you need him sane to answer your questions.” 

“Duh,” he says with a grin. 

Eric nods. 

“Well, I won’t interrupt your process. But here—” he says pulling a handkerchief out of his back pocket. 

He murmurs a protection spell under his breath before blowing on it. He hands it to Christopher with a long deliberate gaze.

“In case one of those Bittles catches you,” he says. “You have my permission.” 

Christopher has the decency to blush. That alone makes the night worth it. But he nods graciously. Eric turns around to walk out of the bar, thinking about walking to Connecticut from there. 

“Before I forget, I still owe you a coffee,” Christopher shouts behind him. 

Eric looks over his shoulder. “I’ll hold you to that.” 

He assumes at some point Christopher will show up at the manor asking for that coffee. After twenty years, he stops thinking that way. It’s probably for the best, he thinks to himself. He’s too old for him anyway. 

_/.\\_ 

The next time he returns to that campus is in the early ‘90s. He’s kept an eye on Samwell University for quite some time. The longer it’s around, the more of a reputation it gets for being queer. Part of him knows that’s where he’ll settle down eventually, it’s north enough in his mother’s territory that he doesn’t have to worry about encroaching on her harem’s mating and contract pool. Humans still aren’t where he wants them to be socially, but they’ve shown a lot of effort to do better lately. 

He thinks that’s a good start. 

There’s a news story that sweeps the country. A tragic death at a prestigious university during sorority rush. Eric gets a good hard look at the property. All he can think is “this would be a good first home.” He shouts to his parents that he’s heading out for the night, hopping one of them hears, and teleports to Boston. He arrives on the main quad where he walks five minutes to the house in question. 

Police and emergency vehicles are still crowding the premises. Eric rolls his eyes, murmuring his favorite concealment spell. 

He walks up to the door without a problem. People either look past him or believe he’s supposed to be there. His moomaw makes the best spells—simple yet elegant. The bodies are still warm so he has time to tie the ghosts to his soul before they grow wary. 

“Y’all can come out now,” he says as he ascends the staircase. “The humans are gone.” 

Two half formed ghosts pass through a bedroom door to greet him. They look like college students, that’s for sure. He tuts. 

“I’m sorry you’ll be stuck in those clothes for a while,” Eric tells them. 

“Blec,” one of them says. “This isn’t even my favorite sweatshirt.” 

“But it’s totes your color,” the other says. 

“Aw you’re the sweetest.” 

“Ladies, focus,” he says. 

“Whoop sorry,” the blonde says. “I’m Jenny and this is Mandy. Welcome to the Pi Iota Eta senior house!” 

“Why thank you. Do you remember how you died?”

They both shrug.

“That’s probably for the best,” he says. 

“So what’s gonna happen to us now?” Mandy asks. 

“Well passing on doesn’t work the way you were probably told,” Eric says with a frown. He looks around the hall. “Which one was yours?”

Jenny points to a room across from the staircase. He waves for them to follow him. When he throws the door open, he’s hit by a wave of violence and unrest. He grabs a satchel full of rosemary, thyme and eucalyptus leaf. 

“You should stay in here for a day or two,” he says. “It’ll help cleanse your souls.” 

“And then what do we do?” Mandy asks.

“Well that depends entirely on you,” he says. “Mosts souls end up in a totem or grave without much energy to travel. But...ghosts who tie themselves to magical beings have enough strength to roam the earth as they please.”

Jenny crosses her arms. “And what are you?”

“An incubus, dear,” he says flippantly. “I’m one of those sex demons your mama always warned you about.” 

“You don’t look so tough...or attractive,” she says.

“That’s because you’re a lesbian,” he says. 

Mandy laughs as Jenny scowls. 

“Whatever,” Jenny says as she tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. “So we tie ourselves to you, what’s the catch?”

“You have to come back here once every 90 days to recharge, and if I ask for a favor you say yes,” Eric says. 

Mandy opens her mouth to argue but he adds, “within reason.” 

“So like, no murdering for you?” Mandy says warily. 

Eric shakes his head. “How is a ghost supposed to kill? No, there’s just...certain places better suited for ghosts to walk into first.” 

“So like a spy,” Jenny says. 

“Yea something like that,” Eric agrees. “Do we have a deal?”

Jenny and Mandy exchange frantic glances for a second. Finally, Mandy looks over at him. 

“Deal,” she says. 

He nods. “Alrighty, ladies, all I need is something that was dear to you and an oath of loyalty.” 

When everything’s said and done, he leaves them in their room for now. He walks around the house, sprinkling more herbs as he chants a possession spell. He memorizes every crack in the walls, every groove in the bannisters, and every cut in the hardwood floor. The house couldn’t be more than fifty years old, but with some updates he could make it last another fifty. 

As soon as he finishes, he goes back to Jenny and Mandy’s room, and gets to know them better. They’re both passionate about changing the world. He feels a pang of guilt when Mandy realizes she won’t become an environmental lawyer. A tear rolls down her cheek as Jenny wraps an arm around her.

“Ugh, this is dumb,” she says. “I’m dead, I shouldn’t be crying over...me.” 

“No, hun, it’s perfectly natural to grieve,” Eric says. “You got used to an idea of yourself and now...it’s gonna be different.” 

“Does it ever get easier?” Jenny asks quietly. “Watching other people die?”

He shrugs. “It depends on the person. Some people take your heart and wrench it. There’s no avoiding that.” 

He takes a deep breath, looking at these ghosts, no  _ girls _ , who just lost everything. 

“But there are plenty of people out there who are dead or can see dead people who will be thrilled to meet you,” he says. “They’ll teach you how to keep living when your corporeal body’s gone.” 

They nod slowly. Mandy clutches Jenny tighter. Jenny tucks a piece of Mandy’s hair behind her ear. They stare at each other like it’s the first time. Eric knows this moment isn’t for him. So he quietly excuses himself and goes downstairs to bake something. He opens up the cupboards, thinking about adding a glamour charm to some spaces so he can hide things here. Maybe he’d rent it out for a while so people won’t be suspicious when he moves in. 

As he bakes, he ignores the way the foundation shakes—first from all consuming grief and then from what can only be described as a ghostgasm.   

Someday this house will be a home. They just have to learn how to get along. 

_/.\\_ 

Eric waits fives days for Jenny and Mandy to get their bearings before lowering the confusion charm around the house. He asks Jenny and Mandy what they’d like to keep for themselves, and he packs it into a weatherproof box that he stuffs into the attic. Within hours their families show up. Eric lets them in, his spells still work to convince them he’s the caretaker of the estate.

He expects a flurry of relatives to come. What he doesn’t expect is Christopher to trail behind Mandy’s family. He crosses his arms, standing in front of the door as Christopher tries to walk in. 

“I didn’t know you were related to mortals,” Eric says quietly. 

Christopher meets his eyes slowly. They’re dark and piercing. They transfix Eric more than anyone before. 

“Heard some chatter that you were claiming a house around here,” Christopher says. “Thought I’d stop by and see if you needed a hand.” 

Eric doesn’t know what he’s playing at, but his house is brimming with grief. One more incubus won’t hurt. He steps to the side, letting Christopher walk through. 

“Nice place,” Christopher says. “Could use an update but...nice.” 

“That’s what I was thinking,” he says. 

“So this is where you’re gonna set up shop, huh? Samwell University. It’s a little too...in the public eye for your taste, isn’t it?” 

Eric snorts. “Hardly...And I know it isn’t much, but it’s a good campus.” 

He shows Christopher into the living room. They stiffly sit on either side of the couch. Eric clears his throat, looking anywhere but at him. 

“Besides,” he adds. “I like finding people when they’re young—”

“Why? Because they don’t know what they want?” 

Eric huffs, clenching his hands. “I don’t hate mortals that much.”

Which is true. He really doesn't hate mortals. He’s never hated humans, truly. But watching them kill and harm each other for petty gain over a few centuries made Eric bitter and cynical. It took Christopher foolishly endangering himself for the ‘greater good’ to remind himself what he values about humanity. Sometimes they’re worth loving if it means they’re worth taking a chance on. Especially if they’re even half as good Christopher. 

“It’s  because they can stop aging for five years, and then leave if it's not for them. No harm, no foul. It's harder to convince middle aged folks to give up their lives ,” Eric says finally. 

Christopher glances over him, dissecting the tiniest movement or twitch. The way he looks at Eric is empathetic yet wary. It reminds Eric that he isn’t good enough to be someone’s mate, but he’ll get there...eventually. 

“I still owe you a coffee,” Christopher says as he stands up. “C’mon, Annie’s is still open.” 

Eric glares at him. “How do you know that?”

“I’ve been around a few times,” he admits. 

They walk silently to the coffee shop. Their shoulders bump every once in a while, it sends shivers down Eric’s spine. He hand twitches in his coat pocket, itching to reach out and grab Christopher’s hand. 

“So how’s your mom?” Eric asks finally. 

Christopher laughs. “Don’t you already know? Don’t our moms talk all the time?”

“I guess,” he admits. “She never mentions you.”

“You never ask.” 

Eric says nothing. That’s a lie, they both know it. 

The air is bitter for late September, but Eric thinks that might be his body temperature adjusting to a new climate. Incubi are good at adapting to new environments, but it still takes time. When the get into Annie’s, Christopher orders for both of them. He asks for a half caf double foam extra vanilla latte for Eric. 

“I can order myself.” 

Christopher rolls his eyes. “You’ll like this.” 

He’s right, it’s the best coffee Eric’s ever had. That bastard. 

They sit in the same spot they did more than twenty five years ago. This time Christopher murmurs about the magical scene around New York, and all the great beings he’s met there. Eric takes long sips of his coffee, biting back petty remarks. It’s not Christopher’s fault that he’s jealous...or maybe it is. 

Stupid Christopher with his brilliant smile and good will toward humanity. How dare he have a conscious better than most humans combined. 

He leads Eric to the pond, taking him by the hand all the way. Eric follows along wearily, somewhat surprised that no one gives them a second glance. They’d dispersed their cloaking spells a while back. When Christopher’s shoulder bumps into his, he leans into the touch. 

He inhales his scent. It’s still the salt of the pacific and spices that remind him of Italy, of home. But there’s a new undercurrent that’s so inexplicably Christopher. It’s enchanting. 

They sit on the banks of the pond. 

“So uh, are you looking for mates then?” Christopher asks quietly. 

“I don’t know. Not yet I guess,” he admits. “But soon, I think. Mortals aren’t as awful as they used to be.” 

Christopher snorts. “You have changed.” 

Eric blushes. “Did I forget to mention? I met someone who set me straight...I guess he made me believe in them again.” 

“Good,” he says softly. “So are you...only looking for human mates?”

“I guess not. Depends who's asking though.” 

Christopher sighs, releasing Eric’s hand so he can run it through his own hair. “It's me, Ermes. I'm asking.”

He wasn’t expecting that, at all. 

“Oh, well, uh—”   

“You can say no,” he interupts. 

“I don’t want to,” Eric says. “Say no, that is.” 

He clears his throat, this isn’t a conversation he expected to have ever...with anyone.

“I like you a lot,” he admits. “Probably more than I have a right to, considering you’re a Zhou.” 

“You’re literally the only incubi on the planet who feels that way,” Christopher argues. “I barely count.” 

Eric wrinkles his nose. “Sounds like bullshit.”

Christopher shrugs. “I’m low level.”

“You’re middle tier, and you’re a better man than half humanity,” Eric says, staring at the grass surrounding his shoes. 

He picks a few blades anxiously. “Anyway, that’s ageist bullshit they spew all around New York. Give it a few centuries, you’ll see.” 

Eric takes a deep breath. “ I’m not saying no—”

“You’re not saying yes.” 

He sighs. “You’re so young, Jyu—”  

“What were you  _ just _ saying?” he asks incredulously. 

“Too young to be tied down,” Eric says. “You should live your life.” 

“I went to my great great grandmother’s house, just like you said to, happy?” 

“Have you seen the rest of the world? Do you know anyone else you’d be interested in bonding with?” 

“No,” Christopher admits. 

It’s not that Eric isn’t painfully hung up on Christopher. It’s that he’s watched his mother raise countless children with dozens of mates. He knows she and her mates are happy, but family takes up so much of their lives. If Eric isn’t ready for that, why would he force that on Christopher?

“I’m not saying no,” Eric says finally. “I’m say you deserve to live your life first...Harems are great but once you start one, they’re a big commitment for centuries.” 

Christopher reluctantly nods next to him. 

“And what if you change your mind?” Eric adds.

“That’s not possible,” he insists.

“How can you be so—” before he can finish, Christopher teleports them to the couch in the living room of Eric’s new house. 

He straddles Eric’s hips while caressing his face. Eric licks his lips, leaning up to kiss him. They make out hard and fast like a couple of teenagers trying to finish before one of their parents get home. At some point, Eric maneuvers them so he’s on top of Christopher, grinding their bodies together. He comes up for air, stopping them before things get too heated.

“Give it a few years, at least?” he says, his chest heaving. “For me?” 

Christopher struggles to regain his breath. “And then you’ll reconsider? You swear?”

“And then I’ll say yes,” Eric says. “I promise.” 

He watches Christopher mull this thought over for a second before pulls Eric into another kiss. They don’t leave that green couch for two days. They keep their clothes on, but mostly because Eric insists that they can’t be anything serious yet. He tells Christopher to go back home. 

“I’m not doing that,” Christopher says. 

“Why not?”

“Then this will expire,” he holds up Eric’s old handkerchief. 

No wonder his mother never talks about him, he hasn’t gone home in years. Eric, against his better judgement, beckons him closer. He bites Christopher on the neck. 

“That should last you twenty years,” he says. “Go wherever you need to.” 

Christopher kisses him harshly. He tries to tell himself it’s goodbye. Goodbyes are easy, natural. He watches Christopher disappear just steps outside his house. Eric hopes he’ll never have to disappoint him by being more than a fleeting infatuation. 

_/.\\_ 

The third time Eric runs into Christopher, he should really expect it. It’s spring of 2014. He’s relegated himself to playing a student as his house is rented by the hockey team. He has three mates, officially, and is excited by the prospect of new players.

So of course this is when Christopher shows up with a nymph in tow. The icing on the cake is when Shitty recognizes the nymph. 

“Nursey! Representing Andover on that taddy tour! What up bro?”

“Hey Shitty!” the nymph currently known as Nursey says. “Knew I’d run into you eventually. Man, Samwell’s pretty sick. But yo, you’re other manager is mad hyper.” 

“Who, Bitty?” Shitty says. “Brah, Bitty’s not a team manager—he’s on the team.” 

Eric, now almost exclusively referred to as Bitty, tries not to glare at the nymph. He wonders if Shitty’s been his mate for long enough to see Nursey’s magical aura. Bitty catches a glimpse of his somewhat frantic stare and decides yes, Shitty’s just realized that other magical beings exist. 

He and Christopher don’t get a moment alone until the tour finishes back at Faber, and most of the prospective students start trickling back to their parents. Nursey hangs back casually, pretending that he isn’t watching Bitty’s every movement. They’re together, of course. Bitty expected that much. 

“So you’re back, huh,” Bitty says awkwardly. 

“Yea, I guess I forgot to tell you I was coming,” Christopher says with a smirk. 

Bitty swallows thickly, biting his lip. “I see—”

“Ok this place is mad cold,” Nursey (precious, wonderful, Nursey) interrupts them.   

“Why don’t I show you around my home?” Bitty says all too eagerly. 

He teleports them right in front of the protective barrier to his home (that’s been somewhat affectionately dubbed the Haus over the years as its gone into disrepair). Bitty brings down the barrier enough to let them through. He conjures up some lemonade as Nursey seems preoccupied with observing his horticulture. 

“So when are we bonding?” Christopher says.

Bitty can’t die, but he chokes on his lemonade in the most painful way possible. 

“Are you sure you want to do this now?” he asks. 

Christopher looks at him like he’s grown three extra heads. “Why not?” 

“H-have you traveled enough?” 

“I’ve seen every inch of this planet. I saw the fucking underworld. This is Maceo.” Christopher points to Nursey who distractedly waves. “I’m courting him. We’re in love. We’re really fucking happy. Right, babe?” 

Nursey looks away from the trees along the side of the Haus. “ ....What was that? sorry half these trees are screaming for frat bros to stop leaving their solo cups everywhere.” 

“Tell him how awesome we are,” Christopher says. 

“Ermes, babe. Great to finally meet you! Can I call you, Bits?”

Bitty crosses his arms and rolls his eyes. “I suppose.” 

“Great, Bits, C here’s a fucking catch, and you should snatch him up before he finds another awesome incubus to mate him,” Nursey says. 

Bitty eye twitches. He’s not completely jealous. He’s not.

“Thank you for your input,” he says with a tight smile. 

“No thank  _ you _ for separating your garden from this garbage fire of a neighborhood,” Nursey says. 

“Well if you like that,” Bitty says reluctantly. “I was thinking of putting a full garden in the back.” 

“But you haven’t touched anything yet, right?” 

“Nope, it’s a blank canvas,” Bitty says.

He clenches his fists. Nursey seems nice if he’s being honest. If Christopher loves him, then there’s nothing that will keep Bitty from trying to be civil to him. 

“If y’all are planning to move here, I think it should be yours.” 

Nursey grins, patting Bitty on the back. “You’re alright for a sex demon.”

“C’mon, I’ll show you around and introduce you to more of my harem.” 

“Yea, kudos for snatching up Shitty by the way. You have good taste,” 

“Thanks,” Bitty says. He looks at Christopher with a small smile. “I could say the same about you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so Chowder is a vigilante saving the world basically. and he's at samwell to get rid of a serial killer but you don't see anything graphic at all. also, the human trafficking ring is mentioned and a female character is saved from being kidnapped and she was tied up but it isn't graphic either. just in case you were worried! I wanted to show that incubi influence the world in positive ways without getting too dark


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Chris hears that Eric’s back in Samwell to go to school there, he knows it’s time to head back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long time no see internet! I'm back with more of this fic and universe

Jyu meets Maceo at a New Year’s Eve party in the Village in 1999. It’s a magical beings only sort of party. Maceo tells him he goes by Derek Nurse around humans so Jyu introduces himself as Chris Chow. Derek’s...quite honestly most beautiful nymph he’s ever met. But he’s also hilarious and insightful. He is, however, notoriously clumsy on ground.

One afternoon in 2002 they’re walking around central park before the first snowfall of the winter. Chris is bundled under a few dozen layers of clothing, but Derek’s comfortable in just a fleece shirt. 

“You should share your warming spells with me,” Chris mutters as they pass the carousel. 

Derek laughs. “I thought demons were supposed to run hot.” 

“That’s werewolves, we just live in hot climates.” 

“San Francisco doesn’t seem that hot. At least, not compared to you,” Derek teases. 

Chris blushes. “Careful, Nurse. You don’t want an incubus to think you’re interested in him.” 

Derek turns around, walking backwards as he smirks at Chris. “Why? What’s going to happen to me?” 

Chris opens his mouth to give him a weak line when Derek runs into a tree stump, falling backward. He uses a little teleportation to catch Derek before he hits the ground. They’re both panting as Chris pulls Derek a little closer to him. 

“Nice catch,” Derek rasps. 

“Maybe you should stick to flying,” Chris says as he helps Derek up.

“Why?” 

“It suits you more,” Chris says. “Since you always look like you fell from heaven.” 

Derek blushes, crossing his arms as he tries to shrug casually. 

Chris smirks triumphantly. “Oh, and the thing about incubi knowing you’re interested? It’s a problem since once an incubi knows you want them back...you won’t be able to get rid of them.”   
The air around them gets warmer, like a rush of warm air shielding them from the brittle fall winds. 

“Is that a threat or a promise?” Derek whispers into his ear. 

Chris parts his lips, thankful that Derek’s fifty years older than him. He has some experience with dating and magical society, but not enough that Chris feels out of his element. Like the way he had with Eric the first time they met. 

Derek takes Chris home to meet his parents during the winter solstice that year. His entire family is so friendly and welcoming. They ask him all sorts of questions about incubi customs and if there’s anything he can do for them. Derek’s kind and thoughtful in ways that Chris knows Eric isn’t yet. 

He knows Derek would be the best second Chris could ever hope to find. He tells Derek as much eight months later while they’re hitch hiking through Ireland together. 

“So...what do seconds do?” 

“They’re like the head incubus’ advisor,” Chris explains in the back of a somewhat question truck. “They use strategy, ethics, culture, and history to recommend the best decisions a harem should choose when dealing with...supernatural stuff.” 

Derek nods, clicking his tongue. “So I tell you what to do? And that’s a relationship?” 

“No,” Chris says. “It’s...incubi have a lot of mates. Everyone has a purpose and a different connection with the head of the harem. They’re all important and trusted. While some mates are less important to the harem’s social status, the second is mondo important.” 

“How mondo cali boy?” 

“Like...a good second could propel a lower level harem into the most important in a clan.” 

“Shit,” Derek says. “And I’m that good? Like, you’re not playing me here?” 

“Not at all,” Chris says seriously. “Look, every harem should have magical beings of other species to get a better perspective on how to serve the community. But you’re a genius, Maceo. I can’t oversell how much better you at understanding people and circumstances than I am.” 

Derek hums, turning his head to watch the countryside race past them. 

“Ok, so hypothetically speaking, one day you’re going to have other mates,” Derek says.

“Yes.” 

“And they’ll be my mates too?” 

“Of course,” 

“So...you won’t mate any shitty humans,” 

“I’ll probably mate a human or two at some point,” Chris admits. “But only if you’re comfortable with them too. I wouldn’t force you to be around terrible people for eternity so I can get sex.” 

Derek snorts. “You sure you’re not like those incubi my aunty warned me about?”

“Nah,” Chris says with a small grin. “I’m not that kind of guy, and you’re too good for that shit.” 

Derek bites his lip, trying to hold back a grin. “Alright, Jyu. I give you permission to woo me.” 

Chris chirps him mercilessly as he tries to hide a blush. They end up in a bar in Glasgow that night after some teleporting and bartering on Chris’ part. Chris kisses Derek for the first time during the chorus of American Pie surrounded by drunken Scotsman. The next day, Chris gives Derek a present to formally commence their courtship. 

Derek says he wants to wait at least five years until they mate. Chris readily agrees. They’re immortal after all. They have all the time in the world to settle down. 

 

_/.\\_ 

 

When Chris hears that Eric’s back in Samwell to go to school there, he knows it’s time to head back to the US. He and Derek have spent the last three years rotating between a few different refugee camps, providing protective barriers and medicine. Sometimes they’d come across an orphaned magical being that they’d help get to their closest living relatives or the magical division of UNICEF. It’s good work, but Chris knows at least a dozen of his siblings he could help train to come over full time. He’s his mother’s heir. Eventually he has to go home. 

Eric starting his harem is as good a reason as any to head back. Chris pulls some strings to make sure he and Derek get a suite together in the dorms. They get to Samwell a few days before hockey starts. Chris hasn’t touched a puck in...forever. But he has excellent reflexes and he knows how to skate. How hard could it be to keep up with a few humans? 

“Ok let’s go again,” Coach Hall shouts during their third practice of the pre-season. “I want twenty saves from Chow and at least one successful goal for each of you.”

“Gotta keep up old man,” Derek whispers into the air, sending the chirp to Chris with a blown kiss. 

“You’re older than me,” Chris grumbles. 

Eric’s mate Holster tries to score while they’re bickering, but to no avail. 

“Oh c’mon,” Holster shouts. “You weren’t even looking!”  

“Birkholtz, keep it moving,” Coach Murray shouts. 

It takes an half an hour for the team to each get a puck past Chris. They fail most of the time, but fuck do they make it hard considering their humans. 

Holster’s still grumbling long after practice is over. They’re back at the Haus, drinking the afternoon away. 

“I’m just saying,” Holster says during a commercial break of a 30 Rock rerun. “How is it even fair that we have incubi on the team?” 

“And a wood nymph who can skate circles around you,” Derek adds.

“And a wood nymph who—hey,” Holster says indignantly. “Aren’t there super secret NCAA regulations for this?” 

“Dumpling do you want the short answer or the real answer?” Eric asks as he massages Ransom’s scalp. 

“Rans?” Holster says as if saying Justin’s nickname is enough of a question. 

“Bro, all pro-athletic teams are at least thirty percent magical beings,” Ransom says. “It’s just the way it is.” 

“How is that fair?” 

“Why are you complaining?” Chris asks. “You’re already losing your humanity.” 

The humans of Eric’s harem, minus Ransom, stare at him wide eyed. Chris glares at Eric while Derek laughs. 

“You haven’t told them?” Chris says accusingly. 

“They didn’t ask! I thought it was implied,” Eric says. 

“Wow,” Derek says before taking another sip of beer. “Way to go, Bits.” 

“I...don’t know if I care enough to ask,” Lardo says honestly. “Holtzy? Shits?” 

“My junk is as it should be and we’re immortal, that’s all I need to know,” Shitty says with a shrug. 

“Uh, exsqueeze me but what the fuck?” Holster says. “Losing our humanity as in becoming zombies? Ghosts? Ghost zombies?” 

“No,” Eric says. “It’s not like that—”

“But we’re kind of dead already?” Holster asks. 

Eric blanches. “I guess?”   

“You’re really into this zombie idea, Holtzy” Nursey chirps. 

“We’re becoming incubi,” Ransom says. “It doesn’t happen right away. But someday...we’ll be a hundred percent sex demon with all the healing powers, magic, and immortality that come with it.” 

Holster’s gaze goes between Eric, Chris, and Derek rapidly. “So what happens to Nursey?” 

“Nothing,” Derek says calmly. “I’m already an immortal magical being. I already have all the perks plus the sweet, sexy incubi loving.” 

Chris grins shyly as the room erupts into several conversations about things the humans should add to their bucket lists. He watches Eric dote on his mates, assuring them with words of praise and physical affection as he encourages them to do whatever they set their minds to. 

Eric’s gentle with his humans. He’s patient and only wants the best for them. The further into the school year the get, the more Chris is in awe of how much Eric loves his mates. It makes him weak in the knees, knowing what a good caregiver Eric can be. 

He wonders when Eric will get his act together and stop putting their relationship on hold. He wants every bit of love and support Ermes can give him. 

 

_/.\\_ 

 

There’s a human on the team that has Chris perplexed. He knows William Poindexter is compatible with Eric’s harem as well as him and Nursey. Dex is very responsive to raspberries. Chris thinks he could be a good addition to their family...someday. 

For now, Dex is a stubborn brat who doesn’t want to get too close to any of them. It’s like he knows they’re not average humans and knows to keep his distance. That is, until Dex opens his mouth one afternoon to say something truly stupid. 

“I think I flunked that quiz,” Dex says as they’re walking back to the Haus. 

He doesn’t like spending time there without Chris or Derek. Which maybe should be a good indication that he at least trusts them. 

“Did you think it was hard?” Chris asks, trying to keep the conversation going. 

“No but Sachin said it was really rough,” Dex says. 

He doesn’t pronounce Sachin’s name right in the slightest, but Chris lets it slide as Dex opens his stupid mouth again. 

“I’m not as smart as you guys,” he says with a shrug. “I must’ve missed something.” 

“...You guys?” Chris 

“Yea, you know…” Dex says. 

“No, I have no idea what you mean.”

“You’re...Asian American?” 

Chris lips form a tight line as he holds back a scream. Sometimes Dex is decent enough for Chris to forget that he’s a brand new human who mostly grew up around white humans that look just like him. And then he says stuff like this that pulls Chris back to reality. Chris shivers as he imagines an army of gingers fishing for lobsters in equally white Maine.  

“Dex, seriously?” Chris says. “First, Sachin’s Bengali and my family is from the Republic of China. Those are totally different parts of the world.” 

“Ok sor—”

“Second, not all Asian people are fucking smart or good at STEM shit. You wouldn’t ask Lardo for help with chemistry, you’d go to Ransom.” 

“Yea but Lardo’s an art major and Ransom’s a biology major,” Dex argues.

“Not the point,” Chris says. “Third—”

“Stereotypes passed off as real lead to gaslighting that really hurts people of color?” 

“I was going to say don’t compare yourself to other people, especially if it’s to put yourself down...but yea, that too.” Chris says with an amused tone. 

Dex shrugs. “Sorry, I’ll work on...thinking through generalizations before I say them.” 

“Good,” Chris says approvingly. “Also...I’m proud of you. I didn't know you were listening to Nursey's rant the other day about effective apologies.” 

Dex blushes slightly. “I listen...can listen. I promise.” 

Dex is still figuring out who he is and where he belongs as a mortal. In theory this is as good a time as any to spring incubi on him. But Chris is old fashioned. He wants Dex to settle in more with the harem before Chris propositions him. He wants to know that Dex will be reliable and compassionate with their mates. 

He wants to know that Dex can. 

_/.\\_

 

Chris quite literally runs into the girl of his dreams. Her name is Caitlin and she has freckles on her shoulders that are so thick and close together, Chris gets lost counting them. She has a laugh louder than most people’s shouts, but it’s the happiest thing Chris has ever heard. He may or may not have to help her to campus health to get her ankle checked. He may or may not offer to carry her there a few (dozen) times. 

He ignores the pointed looks Bitty gives him as he and Caitlin head off in that direction. Bitty’s glare says “we’ll talk about this later,” but the curve of his frown says he’s already accepted this new person into his harem. 

Chris has a hard time not staring at Caitlin’s sea glass eyes. They change color every so often. At first, he thinks it’s a trick of light. But he notices the way they shift from a deep blue to a bright green when the doctor says it’s a simple twist that will go away in a few days. He’s already intrigued, and feels guilty as hell for taking her out of volleyball for a week, so he offers to make her dinner some night to make up for it. She flashes a bemused smirk at him, accepting the invitation graciously. 

Bitty has a few words for him as soon as he gets back to the Haus. 

“She isn’t human,”

“Was it that obvious?” 

“Yes,” Bitty says tersely. 

“Ok, so what is she?” 

Bitty tenses. “I don’t...know.”

“Then how can you tell?”

“Her aurora has a lot more magic than a human her age should be able to handle,” 

Chris crosses his arms, leaning against the kitchen door. “Alright so what? Witch? Jinn?”

Bitty shrugs. “I didn’t get more than a whiff of her. She smells human, but she doesn’t look it at all.”

“We talking about the cute girl Chris smacked you into earlier?” Nursey asks as he saunters into the kitchen with Holster following close behind. 

“Yes,” Chris says at the same time that Bitty says, “No.” 

Nursey chuckles. “Dude, she was totally a hybrid.” 

“Of what?” Chris asks.

He shrugs. “Beats me, maybe find out where she’s from.”

“California, or LA I guess.” Chris says. “She told me that while we were in the waiting room.” 

“Sweet so that narrows it down to like, every type of mermaid on the west coast, desert witches, urban faeries, werecoyotes, and a chupacabra.” 

“Werecoyotes?” Holster says. “Those are real?”

“Yea?” Nursey says. “If it’s a mammal, there’s a shapeshifter for it.” 

“So...wererabbit?” 

“Yea,”

“Skunk?”

“Sure,”

“Parrot?”

“That’s a bird, Adam,” Bitty says. “Please tell me you knew that.” 

“I was just wondering,” 

“No, dude,” Nursey says, patting Holster’s shoulder. “That’d be ridiculous.” 

Bitty rolls his eyes. “So what are you going to do, Chris?” 

Chris shrugs. “She’s nice. She gave Nursey good vibes, right Derek?”

Nursey looks up from his book. “Oh yea, she’s like...so fucking far from malevolent. And her magic feels compatible.” 

“So as his second, you’re advising him to court another magical creature into his harem?” Bitty says slowly. 

Nursey shrugs. “Why not?” 

Bitty sighs. “There’s nothing wrong with that, but your official advising should be direct and easy to interpret. Work on that.” 

Nursey salutes him sarcastically. “Yes, great and honorable family head.” 

Chris barely holds back laughter as Bitty flushes, grumbling something about not being head yet. Speaking of which, Chris realizes they haven’t had that discussion in a while. 

“So not family head yet,” Chris says lightly as he approaches Bitty. “How about we start hashing out courting negotiations.” 

Bitty blushes even brighter. He looks away from Chris. His aura is swirling with remorse.

“Could, uh, you boys give us a minute?” Bitty says to Nursey and Holster who make haste out of there. 

Of course Bitty’s putting things off again. Of course he’s going to say something about postponing their courting or taking things slow, or something equally stupid such as that. Bitty will spin him a sad story about how he deserves more and Chris will try not to scream. 

Bitty’s insufferable with his deflictions. 

“Jyu, baby,” Bitty says, nudging his shoulder. “You’re going to fry all the appliances in here if you don’t calm down.” 

Chris opens his eyes, not having realized they were closed or that his magic is flooding the kitchen. Everything around them looks hypercharged and a few seconds from exploding. He takes a deep breath, thinking of the beach just outside his mother’s house or a tree on the beach quad where he first fell in love with Bitty. He reminds himself that eternity really means eternity for them. That taking fifty years or so is little time in their life spans. 

He feels Bitty lace their hands together. 

“I’m sorry,” Bitty says quietly. “I think Nursey’s a fine second, and you’re well on your way to be a wonderful leader of your harem.” 

“But…” he prompts. 

“But, baby, you’ve never made jam before. You don’t know how to navigate humans.” 

“Neither did you until what? A year ago,” Chris argues. 

“Exactly, I didn’t but then I got experience,” Bitty says. “Would one more year really be so bad?” 

Chris sags. “I guess not.” 

“So will you give yourself that time?”

He huffs. He doesn’t want to in the slightest, but Bitty’s hopeful look with his fucking big brown bambi eyes make most of his anger melt. He nods solemnly before stealing a kiss from Bitty’s lips. It catches Bitty off guard, taking him much longer to protest than it normally would. He doesn’t actually push Chris away, just squeezes his arm after a few second to let him know that’s enough. He complies, feeling proud of the lustful gaze Bitty’s trying to supress.  

Yea, he could wait a year for this.

 

_/.\\_ 

 

Dinner with Caitlin turns out better than he expects. He gets distracted halfway through talking about their families. Chris takes a longer look at Caitlin, watching some of the freckles on her shoulders swirling and shifting into different shapes. 

“If you’re trying to be subtle, you’re doing an awful job,” he jokes. 

Caitlin looks at him perplexedly, following his eyesight. She gasps when she notices. 

“Shit, you weren’t supposed to—” she stops herself, glaring at him. “You’re not human, are you?”

“What gave it away?” 

“You’re so...calm about this,” Caitlin says, leaning back in her seat. “What’s your deal?”

“Why don’t you tell me first?” 

“I asked you first,” she insists. “Didn’t your parents ever tell you not to reveal your identity to strange magical beings?” 

Chris smirks, shrugging. “No, my parents taught me to assert my status when necessary.” 

Caitlin takes a bite of her food. Her eyes not leaving Chris’. Her glare and aura suggest she already trusts him, but has a residual distrust of anything she can’t conquer. Meaning she’s used to be defensive. Meaning she’s not a predator by nature, or at least, she’s an omnivore rather than a being that preys exclusively on humans. Which is convenient. It wouldn’t work out if he had to constantly be worried about one of his mates trying to eat his other mates. 

“If I guess right, will you tell me?” he asks.

Her frown depends, but she shrugs, relenting. 

“Mermaid,” he says. 

She purses her lips. “What kind?” 

“That wasn’t—ok fine, off the Southern California coast? That leaves...most mermaid species that live in the entire Pacific Ocean.” 

She laughs hard enough that water dribbles out her nose. He hands her a napkin. She smiles a little softer. 

“Alright smart guy, I’m an orca hybrid,” Caitlin says. 

Chris smiles. “Yea? I bet you’re beautiful. I mean, you’re already beautiful but—”

“Yea, I get what you’re saying,” she says. “And thanks. My mom says I’m the cutest runt.” 

Chris frowns. “You’re as tall as me.” 

“That’s puny for my species,” she says with a shrug. “It’s why I can go to school on land.” 

It makes sense, he thinks. Mermaids range in sizes and most can’t pass for regular humans. Especially not killer whale hybrids. The rest of their evening goes pretty uneventfully. They watch some nature documentaries so Caitlin can complain about the gross inaccuracies of some deep sea speculation. 

They may or may not end up making out under the hot spray of the second floor shower so Caitlin can shed her human skin for a while and Chris can hold her properly. He may or may not murmur at some point that he’s an incubus, to which she shrugs. 

“You smell like it,” she murmurs into his lips. “But it’s ok, I wouldn’t have come over if I thought we were incompatible.” 

They go on a few (dozen) more dates over the next few weeks. He introduces her officially to Nursey who gives his seal of approval. She bonds with Dex over fishing which is nice. Although, he could do without them getting hate watching Deadliest Catch together. That gets...loud. 

He looks up courting proceedings for her specific region, species, and clan. He takes an afternoon to go home to collect pearls off the shore of his mother’s house. He quickly finds out that that’s much harder than he anticipated and thanks his fucking stars that he doesn’t need to breathe to survive. 

He strings her a pearl necklace by hand, having Nursey infuse a simple protection spell into it. When he presents it to Caitlin, trying to awkwardly get through a recitation of her clan’s courtship proposal, she cuts him off by jumping into his arms. He might ask for clarification later. But it’s definitely a yes. 

Dex makes a comment about how he and Caitlin seem to be getting serious. It’s a statement laced in hesitant jealousy, Chris knows that. He figures it’s something he’ll have to address sooner rather than later. Dex is still wary of the rest of the Haus. But he’s fine with Chris’ mates. Maybe it’s just a matter of laying everything out in front of him. 

Being transparent isn’t always the best answer, apparently. When he drops by the Haus a few days later with a few jars of blackberry jam for Bitty, he pretends not to see the conflicted expression on his face. He stops himself from trying to comfort Bitty. 

If he wants to wait, then by all means Chris will abide by his wishes. 

 

_/.\\_ 

 

Unfortunately, Chris’ plan to keep it cool is back firing spectacularly. Bitty pulls away completely. He stops texting Chris. He stops dropping by his dorm room. When Chris tries to confront him about it, he makes up some shitty excuse about wanting to give Chris his space while his acclimates his harem to their society. 

He’s being petty and stubborn. Chris understands that much. It gets so bad that Bitty tells him not to let his mates go near the tub juice at a kegster. Chris thinks he’s being a proprietary ass. In reality, Bitty put some of his mates jam into the juice. Which wouldn’t affect any normal humans, but has a near hallucinogenic effects on magical beings outside of an immediate harem.  

Which is how Chris spends half the night looking for, capturing, and dragging Nursey and Farmer back to his dorm room. Dex, interestingly enough, isn’t as high as the other two. So while he proves useful in tracking down Farmer, he has no issues with finding her swimming in the pond in her full mermaid skin. He doesn’t even bat an eyelash when Chris asks him to hold a mackerel to entice Farmer out of the water. 

Finding Nursey is slightly trickier, but they find him sleeping in a tree on the beach, not too far from where Farmer had been swimming. Chris lets out a sigh of relief. 

“Ok, now we just have to carefully—”

“Nurse!” Dex shouts. “Get your ass down here!” 

Nursey startles awake, falling off the branch he was lying in and, thankfully, into Dex’s arms. 

“Aw Dexy, you saved me,” Nursey says with a pleased chuckle. 

Dex stares at him incredulously before saying, “are your ears always that pointy?” 

Chris is busy coaxing a drunk Farmer to turn human so he can’t exactly tell Nursey to _ ixne the uthtre. _

“Uh, yea dude,” Nursey says. “What do you think the beanies are for? Can’t have the mortals being jelly of my beautiful ears.” 

“...Right,” Dex says incredulously. “What are you, an elf or something?” 

Chris knows Dex is chirping but clearly Nursey does not. He watches Nursey say “I’m a wood nymph, duh,” in slow motion. Chris flinches, hopping in the dim moonlight, Dex won’t be able to see how genuine Nursey’s being. 

“Is that why you smell like oak all the fucking time?” Dex asks. 

“Chyeah,” Nursey says. “But it’s chill. It’s not like I’m the only magical being on the team or some boring shit like that.” 

“Really?” Dex says bemusedly as he puts Derek on the ground. “What’s everyone else? Ghosts?” 

“Say yes, say yes,” Chris murmurs as Farmer finally crawls up to shore with her legs. 

“Nah, just the two in the Haus,” Nursey says. 

Chris sighs. 

“Derek, tell him about how we’re incubi royalty now,” Farmer shouts as she stumbles into Chris’ arms. 

“Oh fucking—”

“How about you tell me once we get to Chow’s room?” Dex asks them both. 

Surprisingly, they agree.  Farmer’s able to keep her mouth shut until they close the door of Chris’ suite. Then she spills every for Dex—magical beings, the different societies, the hierarchy of incubi harems, and where Chris and his harem fits in the grand of scheme of things. It’s all very energetic at first, but Nursey and Farmer tire themselves out quickly. The four of them end up squished onto Chris’ bed together. 

“Bits is royalty too,” Nursey says groggily into Chris’ shoulder. “Like if Beyonce were the Queen of England? Bitty would be Blue Ivy.” 

“I don’t get what that means, but ok he’s a big deal,” Dex says as he yawns. 

Farmer wraps an arm around him. “And now you’re one of us.” 

“Uh huh, sure,” Dex says. 

“Wait until Chris’ mates with you for the first time,” Farmer says. “It’s...mind blowing.” 

Chris has given up on sheer terror at this point. Dex clearly doesn’t believe—  

“Ok time out,” Dex says with a groan, hopping off the bed and straightening his flannel shirt. “You can’t just...I don’t know what this is but you can’t wingman? Court? Whatever...for Chowder. That’s his own job.” 

Chris frowns. “You don’t...You believe them?”

Dex looks at him tiredly shrugging. “Kinda hard not to when they know about the fucking Haus ghosts.” 

“You know about Jenny and Mandy?”

“Kinda hard not to?” Dex says. “Bitty made me swear not to exorcise them when I ran into them during the Haus tour.” 

It occurs to Chowder than any human who’s never been exposed to magical beings would have a hard time wrapping their minds around their existence. But Dex knew about ghosts prior to Samwell. Even if he hadn’t, apparently Bitty already told him about their existence. Bitty took away one of the most intimate conversations an incubus can have with their potential mates. 

“How much did he tell you?" Chris asks. 

Dex swallows thickly, shuffling his feet awkwardly as he stares at the ground. “Not much. He’s an incubus, that’s his house. I can’t fuck with his harem, the ghosts included.” 

Nursey snorts. “He told you to stay away from Chowder, didn’t he?” 

That’s— “What?” Chris says. 

Nursey shrugs. “Bits gave me and Farmer our own customized shovel talks. Figured Dexy would get one after he joined the fam, not before.”

He watches Dex shrug, tensing a bit. So that's why he stays away from Bitty. He was probably freaked within an inch of his life. 

Chris has bury his nose in the crook of Nursey’s neck, inhaling the familiar scent of his second, to stop himself from breaking the door down on Bitty’s room. Eventually, he calms down enough to meet Dex’s gaze. 

Dex doesn’t look hurt, worried, or disgusted. He just looks...tired. So Chris sighs, getting up as Nursey and Farmer start to doze off. Against each other. He stops short of grabbing Dex’s hand. He just stares at him for a moment, counting the breaths between them. He squeezes Dex's hand gently, trying to come up with something to say to apologize for Bitty being a total shit head.   

“Is this where you hand me some Twilight bullshit about how I can’t handle being with you?” 

Chris smirks. “Would it make a different if I felt that way?” 

Dex snorts. “Only if you actually meant.” 

“No.” Chris shakes his head. “I want you...If you’ll have us, that is.” 

Dex takes a step closer. “You mean it?” 

“Of course,” he whispers. “Incubi mates are forever. I wouldn’t ask if I weren’t a thousand percent sure that I want to spend eternity with you.” 

Dex surprises him, kissing him on the lips. Chris has never kissed a human before. His lips are chapped and split in some places. But they’re soft and hesitant, even as Dex tries to be more emphatic. Chris tries to make it a kiss he’ll never forget. Something filled with all the splendor and reassurances of the future that he can possibly give. Eternal life is fucking unpredictable, but at least he can promise that Dex will never be alone. 

When they finally pull back, their foreheads rest against each other as they pant. 

“Ok, I need my own fucking bed,” Dex murmurs. “Because there’s no way yours is gonna fit all of us—”

“It can,” Chris argues.

Dex gives him a sympathetic smile. “Maybe later. But...I need some space, maybe. Tonight was...a lot. I...can I call you tomorrow?”

“Can I see you tomorrow?” Chris offers instead. 

Dex pecks his forehead lightly. “Yea, you should.” 

As Chris watches his first human mate walk out the door, he tries not to seethe at how much Bitty’s overstepped his bounds.  

He goes over to the Haus early the next morning. It goes about as well as expected. He makes some accusations; Bitty gets defensive and pins it on Chris for not being careful enough. It’s all so infuriating. He’s tired of not getting the respect he deserves from Bitty. He’s starting to think that maybe there isn’t a real point to them anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be 40% smut, 60% Bitty groveling for being a jealous, unfair ass


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All I ever wanted, was for you to love me back.

So perhaps Bitty hasn't been taking Chris' arrival as well as he thought he would. It started out with a few visits over the summer. They were mostly formal and usually involved one or both of their mothers in the room for etiquette's sake. The conversations we warm and amicable while initiating courting procedures but never officially starting them.    
Technically, it was on Chris to make the first move as the lower ranking Incubi, but Bitty's never allowed him to. He always wanted to sweep Chris off his feet when he was ready. When their harems were more settled and they knew what they were doing as adult Incubi well enough to settle down. After Chris storms out angrily of the Haus the day after the first regular season game of the year, Bitty realizes he never said as much out loud.    
In fact, he hasn't articulated once how much he  _ does _ want Chris as his mate. Not for the convenience of a subharem or the elevated status of two powerful clans linked through one line. No, Bitty wants Chris because he has the best heart out of anyone he's ever met.   
He should've made that clear before he went territorial on his not-yet-bethrothed's mates.   
"You're going to lose him if you keep this shit up," Lardo tells him a few hours later.   
Bitty sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I know...I just...I keep deflecting alright?"

Lardo rolls their eyes. "Tell me something I don't know, Bits. You've said everything possible to push him away except  _ why _ you're actually trying to push him away."   
He bangs his head against the kitchen table, trying to calm himself with the sounds of the Haus. Jenny's upstairs watching 30 Rock with Holster. Ransom's doing homework in Shitty's bed while Shitty does LSAT practice problems next to him. The dryer creeks while Mandy tries to perfect a somewhat corporeal form. Jack's off somewhere....being Jack. And Lardo keeps nibbling away at a peach cobbler, just as Bitty asked them.    
There's a certain harmony that has to be achieved in every harem. Mates need to co-exist and love each other as much as they do their incubi; their magic needs to be compatible with one another as well as that of babies should they ever stumble along.    
It's a delicate ecosystem to maintain. One built off mutual trust and love. Bitty swallows. He hasn't been doing that very well with Chris' harem as of late. They deserve better than an incubus who can't keep his emotions in check. He can't...he can't go ruining potential mates like that for Chris.

Bitty scrubs his face harshly, sighing as Lardo rubs his back soothingly.    
"Thanks, honey," he murmurs. "My...uh, I've been a fool, haven't I?"   
"Yep," they say. "So how are you gonna fix it?"   
Bitty sighs. "There's only one thing to do. What I should've done a year ago, honestly."   
"Which is...?"   
"Give him the proposal he deserves, grovel a bit--"   
"A bit?"    
Bitty glares at them, "fine, a  _ lot _ , and then hope he takes me back."    
Lardo hums, taking another bite of cobbler, watching some peach dribble off the corner of their bottom lip. Bitty doesn't think as he kisses the corner of their mouth. He can't wait to see how big they get on their own merit. But he hopes they know how much he loves them just for being the way they are.   
He loves all his mates as they are. He really shouldn't have tried to change Chris into someone more stoic or weathered. It's just not in his nature.

Lardo pushes him playfully, frowning.   
"You're gonna fix this right?" they ask.   
Bitty kisses them again, more firmly this time.    
"Of course, honey," he says. "I think I owe it to everyone."   
Lardo's frown softens. "You owe it to yourself too, knucklehead. You're the only one stopping yourself from being with him."

Bitty takes a shaky breath, rising from the kitchen table. "Right. Ok, I can fix this. I just need...every damn offering I can possibly get him."   
"Cool, need help?"   
He shakes his head. "It won't take long. And I have to do it myself."    
He knows he has to prove that he cannot only provide for Chris materially but emotionally as well. It takes him the better part of the afternoon and night to get everything together. He doubles checks every item, making sure they're all perfect.   
Bitty shows up at Chowder's dorm room the next day with a giant basket of jams, milk, and pastries from his oven. Inside there's also a handcrafted necklace Jenny and Mandy... _ procured _ from an old Zhou home (that once housed Chris' great great-grandmother but now is buried at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean) as well as a vintage NES and a collection of magically infused blueberries from his mother's garden—one for every day Bitty's known and loved Chris.    
Bitty takes a deep breath, knowing that it isn't enough to make up for how stupidly, selfishly, he's gone over Chris' head where his mates are concerned. But maybe it's enough to start to make amends.    
He knocks loudly before realizing that the door is unlocked. Chris shouts for him to come inside. 

Bitty opens slowly, treading cautiously past the common area toward Chris' room. He knocks the bedroom door once before opening. Chris is on the bed with Dex. His back is turned Bitty as he rubs Dex's flat stomach.   
"Is this a bad time?" Bitty says. "I can come back—”   
"Get over here," Chris says somewhat tersely.    
Bitty reluctantly complies, putting his offering at the foot of Chris' bed, as is customary when invited into an intended mates' home, before taking a step back. Chris looks away from Dex long enough to stop the basket. His eyes widen slightly before settling on Bitty with a tired glare.   
"Is that all you wanted? To give me a pity gift?"    
"Of course not," Bitty says. "I'm here making a formal offering—”     
"You sure you're not just stringing me along like you did twenty years ago?"    
"Maybe I wasn't fair about how seriously I took you, but you don't get to push me into something I'm not ready for, Jyu," Bitty snaps.   
He covers his mouth as he watches Chris tense. Something in the back of his skull is screaming at him for saying anything negative about another incubi he’s close to, about his  _ mate _ .    
"Baby," he says softly, "I'm so—”     
"No," Chris interrupts him. "Don't."   
Bitty bites his lip, clenching his fist at how stupid he's been. All he had to do was—     
"Why didn't you tell me you weren't ready?" Chris asks.   
Bitty deflates. He doesn't want to think about any of this. But if it's for Chris...if it's for his  _ mate _ who he's wanted to make happy and safe for decades, then he thinks being honest is the least he can do.    
"Because I was  _ scared _ ," Bitty says. "Scared that I'd get too attached and then you'd find someone worth your time."   
Bitty closes his eyes, trying to focus on the steadiness of Dex's breath.    
"I didn't want to be there when you moved on," he continues. "I didn't...I  _ don't _ think I could handle losing you. Not now, and not ever."

He counts the milliseconds as they inch by him. Bitty tries to distract himself with anything around them. Somewhere twenty miles away, a human is having a heartattack because a vampire took too much blood. Somewhere on the floor beneath them, a werewolf is in heat. There's so much to the world that humans know nothing about. So much uncertainty that they have to live with every day. Bitty wonders if these fragments of seconds, nestled in doubt and fear that are shaking him to his core,  is even an iota of what humans feels every day of their lives.

He's too busy thinking to notice Chris jump off the bed and approach him. It doesn't register in his brain when Chris tilts his head up, or even when their lips get tangled together. It isn't until his finger nails are desperately scraping the back of Chris' neck as he moans into Chris' mouth that he realizes...this isn't the rejection he was was expecting at all.    
He steps a step away from him, frowning as Chris gives him the smallest grin. Chris runs a finger through his hair, toying playfully with Bitty's locks.    
"I don't...understand," Bitty says.

"I'm still mad at you. And there's a lot we need to talk through," Chris says. "But all I ever wanted, was for you to love me back."   
Bitty wraps his arms around Chris' neck.    
"Of course I love you," he says. "I've  _ always _ loved you, baby. I'm sorry I forgot to mention that before.”    
He clears his throat. "And I'll spend the rest of existence proving that to you if you'll let me."   
Chris kisses him again, and again, and  _ again. _ Melting decades of distance between them with soft adoration.

Bitty thinks it's damn near close to perfect. Until—     
"Hey assholes," Dex grumbles, still lying on the bed. "You can't leave me hanging like this."

Bitty turns to yell at him, when he realizes Dex has been sitting there watching them while he's been getting fat on his own accord. Chris pulls Bitty over to the bed to sit with him. Dex, for his part, is sweating like a hog as he squirms out of his pants. Dex looks uncomfortable, but he hasn't gained an ounce of fat.   
"What are you feeding him?" Bitty asks.   
"Raspberries?"   
"Raspberries and what?"    
"And that's it," Chris snaps."That's what he's most receptive to."   
"That's not what you do for a human's first time," Bitty says. "They need fat to get them started. Otherwise they have only enough extra magic to make them uncomfortable, see?"    
He gestures at Dex who's now writhing.    
Chris blushes. "Ok fine, what do you suggest?"    
Bitty crosses his arms. "This is your mate, I don't want to overstep."   
"For the love of—ok fine, Bits. Tell me what to do and I'll decide if it's right for Dex," Chris says.   
Bitty nods. "Take some of the milk I brought you and give it to him. Only add more raspberries if he wants to be bigger."   
Chris nods. Bitty sits back and watches as Chris rips open his offering basket, grabbing both quarts of milk that Bitty packed. Chris makes Dex sit up so he can sit behind him, letting Dex rest against him.    
He slowly pours milk into Dex's mouth. Bitty nods approvingly. Who knows how many raspberries Chris fed Dex beforehand. The problem with small berries and humans, Bitty thinks, is that most Incubi tend to overestimate how many they need to feed their mate. Less is definitely more, especially with a human that's never been harvested before.

Dex moans as the first gulps of milk reach his stomach. Bitty watches in rapture as Dex's body takes to the catalyst like a moth to a flame. Dex's belly fills out first, pushing out into a dome against his underwear. Bitty helps him pull down his underwear before his belly breaks the elastic. After a few more sips, Dex takes the bottle in his own hands. He chugs quickly, rocking his hips frantically.    
Dex's thighs start to fatten as well. They aren't excessively large or pushy. But they are soft. Bitty swears he sees Dex's hips widen a bit as his chest softens too. He notices Dex getting to the bottom of the bottle, still looking thirsty and desperate.   
"Here," Bitty offers. "Why don't you help him out and I'll keep him upright."    
Chris rubs Dex's belly for a moment before gingerly pushing him forward to let Bitty trade places with him. Dex is a firm and steady weight against him. He smells like fresh grass and something inexplicably sweet. Bitty vaguely thinks about how mates start to gain a distinctive scent once they assimilate into the harem. He supposes Dex is a part of the harem. They're just an odd little family and this is how they bond.   
Chris opens the second bottle of milk for Dex, kissing his cheek as he twists one of Dex's nipples.    
"You think about what I said yesterday?" Chris asks softly.   
Dex nods, licking his lips. "Yea, try it."

Chris sits in front of Dex's lap, chanting a few words as he massages his thighs. Bitty coaxes Dex to drink more milk, playing with his nipples gently. Dex bucks his hips faster, moaning into the bottle. Chris puts one hand on Dex's dick, chanting until it shrinks and his balls recede into folds leading into his body. Chris takes Dex's belly in both hands, shaking rapidly.   
Dex pants, taking his lips off the bottle in order to groan louder. Bitty chants a one way silencing spell around the perimeter of the room. He watches Chris take Dex's dick in his mouth. Dex's arms soften as his belly puffs out further. Bitty, out of habit, massages Dex's belly, causing him to sag against his chest. Chris sits up, carefully putting two fingers into Dex. Bitty sees the way Dex tenses for a moment.   
"Relax a little, sweetie," Bitty says with a firm squeeze to his belly. "You'll like it, I promise."

Dex, by some miracle decides to believe him. He clutches Bitty's arms as he spreads his legs out further. He throws his head back against Bitty's shoulder as Chris puts his free hand on his dick, giving it the slightest amount of friction. Bitty coaxes Dex back into drinking milk. Dex doesn't have to be told twice. He chugs the whole thing in under a minute, staring at himself in awe as he expands out further. Chris moves his hands faster in perfect synchronicity. Bitty thinks he brushes up against the right spot because a moment later, Dex is arching his full belly as his legs tremble.    
"Holy shit," Dex whimpers.   
"You ok?" Bitty asks.   
Dex licks his lips, nodding. "It can't...I can't imagine anything feeling this good."    
Bitty chuckles, enjoying as Chris rubs Dex faster.

"You know what feels better than this?" Bitty asks coyly.   
"What?" Dex pants.   
"May I?" Bitty asks them both.    
Chris says sure as Dex nods desperately.

Bitty reaches over Dex's belly, pushing a finger into his belly button. Dex's breathing gets shallower. Bitty pushes in harder, pumping his finger in and out at the same pace of Chris at Dex's other entrance. Dex sweats get more pronounced, just as his slick coats Chris' hands.

"Do you need something else sweetie?" Bitty asks.   
Dex nods, his eyes glazed over in lust.   
"Use your words, Dex. What do you need?"   
"Food," he groans.   
Bitty gestures to the basket. Chris doesn't stop finger fucking Dex. He only slows down long enough to chant a levitation spell. Which he might have gotten a bit wrong considering how fast the pastries fly into Dex's mouth. Not that he seems to mind, as his belly solidifies as his chest starts to leak milk of its own.    
Bitty pumps three fingers into Dex's belly button at once, gesturing for Chris to go harder as well. It takes maybe thirty more seconds to bring Dex to the edge. When they do, he screams, driving Chris to bite the underside of his belly in pure lust.   
Bitty is able to get Dex's stomach going, pushing out raspberry preserves as Dex continues to orgasm.

Dex's face is red as he and Chris help push the jam out of him. In the end, it takes six jars to empty him out along with a smattering of kisses from both of them.   
It’s not too shabby for a human's first time. Bitty can definitely see the potential in this mate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I apologize for how many relationships I introduced in this fic that didn't get their own sex scenes. There was a lot of world building and narrative shit to do. Doing Dex's scene was intentional to set in motion events later in the series. But fear not! I'll make up for it with future Farmer/Chowder and Nursey/Chowder fics. 
> 
> And now we're caught up to the events of Kent's fic! What happens after this? Well Jack still needs to be acclimated to harem, some contracts and alliances will be revealed, other characters will come along and join the harem (eventually) and you know...babies. The cool thing about immortal incubi? Time is completely relative. (Also, I can't stress enough that I have approximately the next three hundred years of this universe figured out. If there's anything you're dying to see, leave me a comment and I might get to it!

**Author's Note:**

> ok so Chowder is a vigilante saving the world basically. and he's at samwell to get rid of a serial killer but you don't see anything graphic at all. also, the human trafficking ring is mentioned and a female character is saved from being kidnapped and she was tied up but it isn't graphic either. just in case you were worried! I wanted to show that incubi influence the world in positive ways without getting too dark


End file.
